If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The Olympian is in my bed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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