There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
