God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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