My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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