It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
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Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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