she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
