Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would ride that face into the sunset
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
