I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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