you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
