She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
