When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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