Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
