Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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