I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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