he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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