where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
