You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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