Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
