Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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