Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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