me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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