Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
