Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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