DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
