Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
