I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
