it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
