i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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