Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
