Tell her she can't have a vagina
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
