Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
