All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I smell like Dick and happiness
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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