If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Michael Bay diarrhea
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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