I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
