everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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