hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
