I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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