So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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