Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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