she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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