Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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