yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
