After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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