Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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