I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
