it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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