Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
