I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
