i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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