I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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