Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
