I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
