Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
