Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
