i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
