Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
