I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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