Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
