You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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