I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
