There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
