Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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