She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
