I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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