I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
