sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sorry my hands just texted you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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