Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
