I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
