On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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